I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
