College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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