DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
