I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
