So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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