I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
