Too much gin, very little bucket
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
