i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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