remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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