I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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