you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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