So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
