how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
