I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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