Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
