I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dear god my vagina.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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