I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I looked at my own cervix.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
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I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
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I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize