I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
God I need to hump something, right now.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
