Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
