yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
