I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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