The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
