I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
