so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
