and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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