ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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