And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
