Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
