I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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