is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
