You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
