Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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