Christians are straight up FREAKS
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
you never un-have a 4some
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
