I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
