she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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