i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Drunk is not a location!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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