So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
