One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
