this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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