I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize