She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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