youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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