Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
