I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
