Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
