I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
