the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
