I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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