Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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