Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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