How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
