I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize