Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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