I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
