Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
