jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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