I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
