I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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