Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
