how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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