I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
