At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
