In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
