Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
